I know nobody probably even checks this anymore. But while checking on a blog I used to read I saw mine. And believe it or not I had forgot about this blog until then. But I thought hey why not update since so much has changed. I will start with the big news. This Saturday Nov. 16, 2013 I got remarried to a great man!! Kirstin is doing great she is tuning into such a beautiful young lady. She loves school and has always made the A honor roll. She is turning into a really girly girl which is hard for me. That is one thing I am not. I just can't believe that next year she will be in middle school. Gavin has been a hard child to raise. I noticed early on something was not right. So very had to deal with. Finally last year I had him evaluated. He has ADAHD and ODD. He is on meds and in therapy and has improved some but we still have a work left to do. He has struggled with school but for the first time got all A's on his last report card. I am so proud of both kids!! There are some people I used to read their blogs that I am friends with on FaceBook and love being able to stay up with them. Some of you have when password and I can no longer read your blogs (tried today). And some I did have the password for but can't remember it. I do hope everybody is doing well.

I am alive

It has almost been a year since I posted. It was just I did not have too much good to really post about. Tom went a whole year without a job lying on his fat ass. Then once he got a job he refused to give me any money for anything. No money for food, clothes for the kids, utilities nothing. But he sure was willing to eat the food I bought and wash with the water I paid for. And still he had his money to go and do the things he wanted. But now it really does not matter. He took off to visit I assume a girl in IL and when he got back half the house was gone and so were the kids and I. I just up and left the house. I moved into a really nice apt. and believe it or not it is huge! I did not know they made apts. this big. I love the place. The kids love going to the pool and playground and how nice to not have to worry about yard work.
I am going to try and start posting again my life is so much better now. How nice is it to be happy again.

Nothging new.

Don’t have much to update on my life is still the same. Very busy for me and Tom still has no job. And really has not made much of an effort to find one. Thank goodness the kids have a mother who cares about how they are taken care of. So for your viewing pleasure here are some Halloween pictures

What has been going on

I have been meaning to make a post for some time now but just have not had the time. I have quit my second job waiting tables in order to take a different second job. But this new second job will one day become my main job. A subcontractor that does work for my company needs to expand is his company. He has so much work but no workers to do it. He does Information Technologies. And finding people skilled in his area are few and far between. So he has me working with him 20 hours a week right now teaching me. So I am pretty much getting paid to learn a new skill. But because I have no clue what I am doing he does not pay me too much at the moment. But he told me the faster I learn the faster he will raise my pay. And once I am fully trained I will be making about 30 thousand more a year then I make right now. I just have a lot to learn. I have to learn some electrical, computer programming and a few other things. He will also be sending me off to a few different classes here and there. They are usually just a week long but some of them will be out of state. So between my reg. job and this job I don’t have much time for anything. And since Tom still has no job I really need the income from this second job. The pay I get from it is more then I was making waiting tables.

And yes you heard that right Tom still has no job. And is not really making an effort to get one. Right now I am letting that go since I need him to watch the kids while I work these two jobs and get myself trained. But once I get trained on this new job and get going with the other company he will be shit out of luck. I have been doing my best to stay with him for the kids. But I refuse to work my butt off while he sits and does nothing. And I mean nothing. I am working 60 hours a week while he does nothing. I should not have to lift a finger at home. But that is not what is going on. I have to lose my mind and just go crazy in order for him to do things around the house. But I am doing my best to bite my tongue right now. Because things will not always be like this. The day will come when I can be happy again.

K started Kindergarten this year. She has been doing so well and I am so proud of her. Next Thursday I have to be at her school at 8:45am because she is getting presented an award for being chosen for the terrific kid of the month. The letter I got said she was picked because of her advanced academic skills, manners with student and faculty and working well with others. What a great little girl she is. And she showed me a new skill she has last night that she had been hiding. She can read and has been able to just never let us know. While reading to her last night she cut me off and continued to read the book. And it was a book we had not read so I know it was not memorized. I asked when she started to be able to read and she said for a little while. Don’t know why she finally decided to show off this skill last night but I just about cried.

G my little man not to sure what I am going to do with him. I have been trying to start potty training him but he does not want to do it. So I don’t push it on him but I do bring it up daily. And when I ask him if he wants to use the potty he will tell me no. I have not been able to find anything that will entice him to use the potty and I know he knows when he has to go. One place he won’t go is in the bath tub. If he is in the tub and has to go that is the only time he will tell me and use the potty. And I really want to get him out of diapers.

So not a whole lot going on here just busy busy busy but it won’t last forever. Sooner or later I will get trained enough for the other company to raise my pay to at least what I am making on my main job now and then just go down to one job while I get the rest of my training in and get qualified to make their full pay.

Hard to believe it has been 3 years

Three years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. A baby girl I would never get to see grow up. A little girl that I would never get to know. On this day three years ago my heart broke and I am still not sure if it can ever be repaired. I still think of Emma on almost a daily basis. I still have many nights that I cry myself to sleep wishing to hold her one more time. A part of me is missing that I can never get back.

And as this day has approached I have done a lot of thinking about what this had done to me and how it has changed me. Some change has been for the good but also some has been for the worse.

The good is I believe that I am a better mother to my two living children because I know first hand how special they are. And what a blessing it is that I got the pleasure to bring them into this world healthy and alive. And with out them I don’t know what would have happened to me. I can’t even bring myself to imagine what life would be like with out them.

The bad is that this has taught me is never to think to positive. If you do that you seem to only get heartbroken. I now expect the worse so as not to be too disappointed when things go to shit and fall apart. It is much easier to handle that bad when you expect it.

I will never look back on the day of her birth and be happy about it. I wanted that precious little girl more then anything. I wanted to watch her grow and nurture her. I wanted to see her smile and what kind of person she would have become. But all I get is to say what I wanted, I don’t get all of those things. And that is just not right!! I hope each and everyday that she is at peace and now how much I love her and what she means to me. My life will always be incomplete with out her here. I love you baby girl and miss you more then anything.

Emma Grace 08/04/05 Rest in Peace my Sweet Child
Here is her Montage if you would like to view it.

My Angel My Love

Tagged

I first have to apologize to Kim for taking so long to do this. But better late then never.
Tagged!
A - Attached or Single: Sadly attached to somebody I don’t want to b

B - Best Friend(s): Sue

C - Cake or Pie: Cake

D - Day of Choice: Saturday

E - Essential Item: My face cream I have really dry skin around my nose

F - Favorite Color(s): Brown and Purple

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: I love them both I could live off that candy

H - Hometown: Ocoee, Florida

I - Indulgence(s): Cake and Sinkers

J - January or July: January, my year always seems to suck so I always hope that come January the new year will be better then the last.

K - Kids: This one is hard for me to answer, I have 3 children but most people don’t count Emma

L - Life is incomplete without: all my children

M - Marriage Date: October 7, 2000

N - Number of Siblings: One and we are nothing alike

O - Oranges or Apples: Oranges

P- Phobias or Fears: Snakes I hate snakes

Q - Quote: Don’t have one

R- Ring size: 6

S - Season: Spring

T- Tag 5 Friends: Anybody who wants to do it

U - Unknown fact about me: I have two learning disabilities, but I am sure you can tell from how badly I write and spell.

V - Very favorite stores: Wal-Mart & Kohl’s

W - Worst Habit: Not cleaning my car out. I keep a very messy car

X-ray or Ultrasound: Does not really matter

Y - Your Favorite Food(s): Mexican

Z - Zodiac: Leo

I am Good!!

So some good news for me. My blood work came back wonderful!! I will now have to be checked once a year for 5 years. All though my Dr. is going to do one more check at 6 months just to be safe. And I have to say at this moment I love the good news. Now if Tom could just get off his ass and find a job.