The good The bad and The ugly

I have been in a pretty low place lately for the most part. There are some days I feel good and hopeful about everything. But then most days I don’t. I am so scared to get my hopes up for good results the next time the Dr. runs my labs. I know from my past what it is like to believe that everything is going to be ok then you just get knocked on your ass. So I no longer try and have such a good out look. I know not a good way to be. But I always prepare for the worst now. That way if it is bad news I am not so devastated. And if it is good news then I get to be extra happy. So here I have sat for the last 4-1/2 weeks having no clue what is going on with me health wise. Very nerve racking.

As for Tom and I we had another big blow up last night. Once again he started to pack his bags but once again he did not leave. He called today and said he was for sure going to get the counseling scheduled but we will see. He has been saying this for a while now and nothing has happened. He also tried to make me feel guilty last night and told me he was going to live in his truck. I could not help myself but I laughed. I told him that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

The kids are doing great. I need to bring it to work but Kirstin had her graduation (that is from pre-school) pictures done and it turned out so good. And it took my breath away when I seen it. She in no way looks like a 4 year old. Where in the world has my baby gone? She will be 5 years old next month how could it be 5 years already. And I am not saying this just to say it but it really does still feel like yesterday that I gave birth to her. I can still remember ever little detail of her birth and 5 days leading up to it when my water broke. To think this beautiful little girl was once a 3lb preemie and look how great she is doing. You would have clue about her ruff start just by looking and talking to her. How proud I am of her.

Then we have the bulldozer Gavin. This boy is ALL BOY!!!! He is ruff, loud, dirty and loves anything with an engine (ie: cars, trucks heavy equip.). If I send him in the back yard to play I have to hose him off before he comes back inside. I am really not sure how he gets so dirty back there. But he finds a way. He is still amazing me on how well he can speak. Not only with the clarity of his words but the fact that he has been speaking sentences for a while now. Once again I find it hard to believe that he will be two this June 1st. Can I please stop time for just a little bit!

So that is all that has been going on around her lately not much just trying to keep myself sane while doing all this waiting around. I go back to the Doctor April 23rd. Lots to discuses with him. So if you all could please continue to keep me in your thoughts I would greatly appreciate it.